The Change
by Usako Moon
Summary: well, usagi thinks mamoru doesn't find her attractive anymore.... strong rating but there's adult themes so.. r/r please ja!
1. Default Chapter

A Sadness That Runs too Deep  
  
By: Usako_Moon  
  
This is my first fic so please be gentle lol. I'll try to keep the grammar and spelling mistakes to a minimum. I'm currently looking for someone who would be willing to edit my work so if you're interested email me at Aragato fellow moonies! Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: It begins  
  
Usagi stood up from her kitchen table, mug in hand, and headed for the livingroom. Ever since Darien and usagi had gotten in that stupid fight she hadn't felt much like going out. Usagi set her mug on the coffee table and flopped on the couch, resting her head on it's high back. Suddenly Usagi's head shot up. 'What am I doing?' Usagi thought. 'I can't just sit around and mope all day. I have a problem I'm going to solve it and go talk to him.' With that in mind Usagi bolted to the door grabbing her keys on the way and slammed the door behind her. As she speed walked down the street she thought back to the argument that had started it all.  
  
~~~FLASHBACK~~~  
  
"You're so cute Mamo-chan" Usagi giggled from her position on Mamoru's lap. He grinned and continued his attack on her ticklish sides. Usagi giggled and wiggled trying to get away from the hands that so unmercifully attacked her sides. Usagi stopped in mid giggle as she felt something at her thigh that made her curious eyes look up at Mamoru in surprise. To his dismay when his Usako looked up at him she was blushing and quickly scooted off his lap trying to compose her somewhat frazzled wits. "Ummm Mamo-chan.... are you.... are you ok?" Usako asked not quite willing to meet his eyes. Mamoru groaned inwardly, cursing his damned anatomy for giving him away all the time and scaring Usagi. "Ya I'm fine. You know Usagi you don't have to be scared of me. I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that right?" Usagi looked up into his unbelievably cerulean eyes and nodded resting her head on his chest and sighing. Mamoru stroked her back and closed his eyes trying to tamp down the urge to throw her on her back and have his way with her. He inwardly winced catching his thoughts before they strayed too far. "Usagi maybe you should go home. I'll call you later ok?" Mamoru got up and started walking to the door. Usagi, stunned, followed behind him. "Mamoru......... are you mad at me or something?" her wide blue eyes pierced his heart. He cursed himself again for his lack of self restraint. "Usagi just go!" he shoved her out the door. "I...... I'll call you tonight... later ok?" With that he closed the door. Usagi stared in disbelief at the door for a few moments before turning and walking down the hall to the elevator. She got in and pressed the button for the ground floor. 'Why was Mamo-chan like that...... I don't remember saying anything to make him angry.... just his...... oh' Usagi suddenly remembered. 'He's mad because I'm not ready to go that far. Oh no!' Usagi feeling woebegotten dragged her feet the whole miserable way home.  
  
~~~END FLASHBACK~~~  
  
Usagi finally having arrived at his apartment complex began to feel a little bit nervous. He never had called her. Nevertheless she took the elevator to the fourth floor and walked to Mamoru's door. She paused a moment then knocked. She heard feet shuffling towards the door and then a sleepy eyed Mamoru opened the door. "Ohayo Usako!" he said grinning widely and opening the door. Usagi walked in more confused then ever. Mamoru came up behind Usagi and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I was just thinking about you." he said nuzzling her ear. Usagi stood stiff as a nail and Mamoru noticed.he removed his arms and turned her around. "What? What is it Usako? Are you ok?" he searched her face intently. Usagi burst into tears and flung herself at him.  
  
"Wellithoughtyouweremadatmeandiwassoscared!" she said it so quickly and jumbled that all Mamoru heard was you mad and me then scared. He wrapped his arms tightly about her and buried his face deep in her hair. "Usako I wasn't mad at you. I just..... aw hell.... " he said backing away and running his fingers through his hair. "I didn't want to scare you again. That's all. I know that you get scared when........ uh .... I lose control of myself. I just don't want to scare you." he looked at her with such a helpless look that Usagi started crying harder. Mamoru winced and drew her into his arms again. He easily picked her up and carried her to the couch where he'd previously been napping. He sat down with her in his lap and dried her tears with his thumb then smiled at her and kissed her soundly on the lips. Usagi sighed and rested her cheek on his chest. "Mamo-chan... can I ask you something kinda embarassing?" he looked down at her upturned face and smiled. "Of course usako. You know you can ask me anything." she smiled and looked down again. When she spoke again her words shocked Mamoru to the very core. "Mamo-chan.... do you think I'm a bad girlfriend because I don't want to..... you know?" Mamoru's mouth didn't want to move. He managed to make a little squeaking sound that brought Usagi's eyes to his. She looked at him with her brow scrunched. Mamoru watched as her eyes once again filled with tears. She jumped up and picking up her things started to walk to the door. "I'm sorry Mamoru. I won't bother you anymore. I'm sorry I made it so hard!" she was almost out the door now. Mamoru finally recovered from his initial shock ran to his door. "Usagi no wait! That's not what I think. I was ju-" But by the time he had reached the door she was already disappearing down the hall. He sighed exasperated. 'Man I screwed up this time' he thought to himself as he grabbed a coat and started after her.  
  
Usagi was crossing the busy intersection of main and third when he caught up to her. He called her name just as she got to the other side of the street. Usagi, not wanting him to see her tears, kept walking. A loud crashing sound behind her on the street brought her violently rearing around. What she saw would haunt her for a lifetime and more. There, in the middle of main street, lay her Mamo-chan on the ground.. Broken and bloody. Usagi screamed a high pitched scream and ran as fast as she could to his side. When she knelt beside him she had to cover her mouth from the shock. Mamoru weakly opened his eyes. "U-Usako?" he looked so pale. "Yes Mamo-chan I'm right here." she said grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly. "I didn't mean what you thought." with this said Mamoru passed out from the pain. Usagi began sobbing as she cradled his head in her lap. Still squeezing his hand. She began calling hysterically to anyone on the street. "Get help! Call an ambulance!" she turned her eyes back to mamoru and whispered that she loved him and would be with him through this.  
  
~~ oh no! Don't worry. While I do like sad stories I don't like writing them. I get too involved in my stories to do that. Anyway..... ja ne for now! 


	2. the hospital

Ohayo! School's been kinda busy and so has work so I'm trying really hard to keep up with my writing. Sorry if it seems like forever. anyways on with the story.  
  
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Usagi screamed frantically for help as she cradled mamoru's head in her lap.  
  
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When the ambulance finally arrived (which seemed like forever and a day) Usagi was forced to let go of Mamoru so the paramedics could help him. After they had him on a gernie and piled into the ambulance they asked if she was his family and without hesitation she said yes and hopped in with them. "Will he be alright?" Usagi asked with a shaky voice. "If he makes it to the hospital then he should be alright." one of the medics replied. Usagi reached for his hand and gently squeezed it.  
  
The ambulance finally arrived at the hospital and the medics began wheeling Mamoru down the hall. When they got to the operating room doors though, one of the doctors told Usagi to stay out in the waiting room. Usagi nodded and lifelessly walked into the couch filled room. she sat on one of the plush sofa's and stared sightlessly ahead of her.  
  
About 20 minutes later the door burst open and all four girls and Andrew walked in the room, each with their own worried expressions. When they saw Usagi sitting there they looked at eachother and stood doing nothing for several minutes. Finally, Raye walked up to her and sat down. She moved her face so that they could look at eachother. The look in Usagi's eyes broke Rayes heart on spot. Raye knew how close Usagi and Mamoru had gotten. Not knowing what else to do Raye grabbed her in a big hug. As if a dam bursst forth from Usagi, wrenching sobs wracked her slender body. The sound broke every person in that rooms heart.  
  
As Usagi cried the girls and Andrew each found someone to grab in a hug and cry with. They all turned when they heard Usagi and Raye hit the floor though. There before them knelt Raye trying to support Usagi's sobbing body. The heartbreaking sobs grew louder and louder and none of them knew what to do. Andrew and Raye managed to get Usagi sitting on the couch after she had grown too tired to cry anymore. Just as they were handing her a cup of water the doctor walked into the room.  
  
"Oh god doctor," Usagi said attempting to stand on her own." Please tell me he's alright." The doctor looked on her with sympathy and sat down on the couch with Usagi. "Are you his family?" Usagi looked down for a moment. "I'm the only family he's got!" When she looked back up again the doctor was smiling and he began to speak. "When Mr. Chiba arrived here, I didn't think there was much I could do. As you know there was a large amount of blood loss and quite a few wounds to his head. But...... by some miracle unknown to me he's managed to pull through the sergery we performed to stop the bleeding and he's now in recovery. He should be fine." Usagi stared blankly at the doctor for quite some time. Finally the doctor patted her knee and told them to wait an hour or so then Usagi could go see him. But only her.  
  
Usagi sat still for so long that the group began to think she wasn't going to blink. She turned her head and looked at everyone. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. she held her head in her hands and thanked Kami above for sparing Mamoru's life. After about an hour had passed, Usagi worked up the courage to go in and see her one and only love's beaten body. She walked in the room slowly, almost afrai at what she would find. When she peeked around the corner and saw the numerous tubes and contraptions he was hoked up to, Usagi had to reach up and cover her mouth with her hand to hide the gasp.  
  
Apparently her efforts were fruitless however because Mamoru's eyes fluttered open and he blinked a few times before he discovered her presence. He reached up one scratched hand towards her. She hurried to his side and gently took it still holding a hand to her mouth. When Mamoru saw the tears welling up in her eyes he felt his own sting the backs of his eyes. "I'm so sorry Mamo-chan." Usagi said in the barest of whispers. Mamoru looked at her in surprise. He rasped. "Why?" Usagi took the hand from her mouth and put it on the same hand she was already holding. She looke at their joined hands and whispered, "Because it's my faault this happened." Mamoru looked up at her with startled eyes and squeezed her hand. "How is this your fault usako?" Her tears fell unchecked down her cheek now. "If you hadn't have chased me down the street you wouldn't have been hit."  
  
Mamoru closed his eyes for a moment. "I only chased oyu to tell you that I love you and that I was only surprised by your question. I never ever thought you were a bad girlfriend for any reason. I love you." Usagi's eyes filled once again with tears and she squeezed his hand back. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you." She stared at him and bent down to kiss his forehead then the tip of his nose then finally gently on his lips.  
  
"Usako you don't have to make up for anything. It wasn't your fault." Mamoru said staring into her gorgeous blue eyes. "Still," Usagi said with a half smile."It might be fun to try." Mamoru smiled slightly too. Usagi bent and kissed him on last time before he fell asleep. After she knew he was asleep she pulled up a chair and grabbed a blanket and fell asleep with a smile on her face.  
  
Whew! that was a toughey. lol Any suggestions? Comments? Please r/r! I love yo uall. Ja ne for now! 


	3. the first day home

Ohayo fellow moonies! I'm going to try to make this chapter longer. Thank you to the 4 people that i got reviews from! I love you all! anyways i'm still looking for someone who would be willing to edit my work email me at sweet_grass_angel@hotmail.com if you can do it? Aragato!  
  
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Usagi fell asleep beside his hospital bed with a smile on her face.  
  
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(THE DREAM)  
  
Usagi was speed walking down the street when she heard the crash. She spun around and screamed. "No Mamo-Chan!!!!"  
  
(END DREAM)  
  
Usagi bolted upright in her chair letting the blanket fall to the ground. She took a few deep breaths and realizing it was a dream began to relax. She looked over at Mamoru sleeping soundly in his bed and smiled. The bruises on his face had begun to turn a yellowish green color but he was still handsome to her. She reached for his hand and placed a kiss on it. Mamoru woke up at the contact and smiled at her.  
  
Usagi was about to say something when a doctor walked in. "Miss. Tsukino your parents called a little earlier wanting to make sure you were alright. I told them yes. Aparently your friends told them what happened." Usagi's jaw dropped when she thought of her parents. She'd totally forgotten them. She only hoped they understood. The doctor looked at Mamoru's charts and smiled "It looks like things are moving along well. You should be alright to go home tonight. I want to do a few more tests though, just to be safe. Unfortunately you'll need someone to stay with you almost all day for a couple of days."  
  
Usagi thought about that for a minute and decided to herself that no one was better for the job then herself. Mamoru and Usagi had nothing to hide from eachother. Plus, she knew him best. "I'll do it!" Usagi said in a sing song voice. Mamoru chuckled and shook his head slightly. The doctor smiled and nodded then left the room to get a needle for Mamoru's test. "Are you sure you want to do that Usako? I can be a pretty big baby when I'm sick." Mamoru laughed and Usagi smiled.  
  
"I remember. I have taken care of you before ya know?!"Usagi began laughing as well. Mamoru motioned for her to come closer. He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his chest where he placed it against his heart. "You are the most important person in my life Usako. You don't know just how much I depend on you." Usagi saw his eyes glistening and had to choke back her own tears. she leaned forward and pressed her face into his neck. she felt his hand go to her neck and hold her there and she wanted to cry at the injustice.  
  
She wanted to cry for Mamoru's parents. She wanted to cry for all the years Mamoru spent in that orphanage. Most of all she wanted to cry for the innocent little boy that had to grow up way too fast. The one that had to work at the age of 14 to keep himself off the streets. She kissed his neck and realized she was crying when she tasted the tears. she pulled away trying to wipe her cheeks with her palm noticing Mamoru do the same. "You're the most important thing in my life too Mamo-chan. I love you. I want to be with you forever." Mamoru smiled and pulled her head down for a kiss.  
  
They were cut off however by the doctor clearing his throat at the door. "You're family eh?" he chuckled and walked in the room. "I need to take a small blood sample for your tests but after that you should be alright to go home okay?" The doctor took what he needed and gave Usagi instructions on his care and left with good tidings. "Well? Shall I call Motoki to give us a ride to your apartment?" Usagi asked grabbing the telephone.  
  
Mamoru nodded so she punched in Motoki's number and asked him if he would pick them up. He said yes and she hung up. She had a MALE nurse help him get dressed and they went to stand in the lobby, waiting for Motoki. Mamoru sat down on a chair and Usagi sat on the arm of his chair. Motoki arrived and helped Mamoru and Usagi into his car. Before long they were at Mamoru's apartment and between Usagi and Motoki they managed to get Mamoru upstairs and in bed. Mamoru was exhausted from the strain it caused and fell asleep almost immediately.  
  
Usagi pulled the covers over his shoulders and kissed his forehead before heading to the livingroom to talk to Motoki. Motoki gave Usagi a hug when he saw the tired look she shot him. It had been a hard 2 days for his good friend of 5 years. He gave her an understanding look and told her to call if she needed anything. She thanked him and closed and locked the door. She leaned against the door for a moment with her eyes closed then decided to call her parents and tell them where she'd be for a couple of days.  
  
She was thankful when her mom picked up the phone. "Hi mom........ no he's ok..... ya I'm at his place..... no I'm not hurt..... ya that's right...... a couple of days...... ya I love you too.. I'll call tomorrow... I love you ..... YES ALREADY.......... ok ya..... sure mom..... i will............. bye." Usagi discovered just how tired she was and realized she had nothing to change into. She searched through some of Mamoru's clothes before she found some boxers and a t-shirt that she slipped on. they were big but not unwearable. She would have to ask Motoki to pick up some things she needed from home. She quietly, so as not to disturb Mamoru, slipped into bed and fell asleep.  
  
When Mamoru woke up the next morning he had this amazing feeling of contentment and calmness. It was then that he noticed the sleeping angel beside him in the bed. It took him a minute to figure out why she was probably there. He smiled to himself thinking how beautiful she was. He ran his fingers lovingly over her cheek and down her jaw. How lucky he was to have a girl like his Usako. He smiled as she slowly opened her eyes. Usagi buried her face in the pillow then looked back up at Mamoru. "Good morning." she said with a sleepy smile. "Good morning Usako." Mamoru said leaning over and giving her a quick kiss. Usagi sat on the side of the bed and picked up the phone. she called Motoki and asked him to come pick her up so she could get some things from home. he said sure and they hung up. "Motoki will be here in about 5 minutes. Is there anything I can pick up for you while I'm out?" Usagi looked at Mamoru plainly. Mamoru began to laugh and Usagi scrunched up her face. "What's so funny?" Mamoru chuckled a bit more before calming himself and speaking. "It's just amazing. You're already acting like the concerned wife. Usagi began to giggle too but stopped when the doorbell rang. Usagi let Motoki in and quickly got dressed before leaving "I'll be back in a few minutes!" she called to Mamoru. she closed the door and Mamoru fell asleeo again.  
  
  
  
Well??? Love it? Hate it? Wish you could burn it? lol r/r PLEASE!!!!love y'all.  
  
ja!  
  
Usako_moon 


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